I will start this article with a confession. Even after all the scientific training I’ve had, my awakening experience has taught me that soul mates, karmic relationships and twin flames are real. Opening to this dimension of relationships can make you feel like you are losing your mind. You are not. We simply stay in our rational brain trying to make sense of experiences with people that may not be understood with the rational mind.
The problem is not whether the concept of a twin flame is real or not. The problem is that we still believe in the version of Cinderella that came from the 1800s and not 7BC and see the twin flame as the ultimate romantic soul connection. It was during that time that a major imbalance between the masculine and feminine occurred lending itself to this idea that the only way women could be in the world is if they were rescued through romantic love.
We continue to play out that story in our dating lives.
In the Victorian era, the only thing that was expected from women was to get married and support their husband’s business interests. They were not allowed to be educated and spent most of their time preparing to meet a spouse. We had come a long way from the original Cinderella story that involves an eagle playing matchmaker with a sandal and showcasing the importance of responsibility by those in power for elevating the status of those persons who were born into poverty. The original Cinderella story has many spiritual overtures to it and make it far more important than a story just about romantic love. The Victorian Era represented the height of extreme gender conformity. It is also no coincidence that it was during this time that modern psychology was developed (your husband could institutionalize you without cause and against your will)
“From infancy all girls who were born above the level of poverty had the dream of a successful marriage before their eyes, for by that alone was it possible for a woman to rise in the world” — Charles Petrie
Thus, it would make sense from a spiritual perspective that our healing journeys as women would include a stop over into this history. The twin flame journey is foremost a journey about finding our way back home to ourself but it also represents a healing of those wounds from a time where many of us did not have a choice but to get married. There has been a huge spiritual activation and many of us are craving a divine love. Unfortunately, most of us do not get an education that in order to find that divine love, you are going to have to re-live some very unsavory experiences. Where in the past union and happily ever after were the final stop on the twin flame journey — it no longer is. Just like Cinderella’s story continued after she married the prince but we never really heard about it, your twin flame has been helping you heal and you will eventually give birth to the next chapter of a story few people have experienced-until now.
Rebalancing the Feminine and the Masculine
We are in a time of finding balance. There has been much toxic insecurity floating around. Whether it is personal insecurity and attachment anxiety or cultural insecurity stemming from an upheaval in economic and political systems, insecurity is affecting all aspects of our life. If you have been on the path of what I call relational spirituality, then you will begin to understand that all of your romantic connections are your soul’s attempt to heal karma in this life between you and other souls. This is often referred to as transpersonal karma and it means that relationships and learning in relationships will be a predominant theme in your life.
In order for the divine feminine to find balance, it will take an effort for everyone to heal. I firmly believe that the area that needs the most attention is in the realm of our understanding of relationships from an energetic perspective. At the end of the day and at this point in evolution, the twin flame is really about an energetic rebalancing in each of us of the masculine and feminine energies. For this reason, if you have been way off or very unbalanced in your energies, you may meet your twin flame to heal that imbalance. It is this gift for women that is so vitally important.
Too many of us have been living in a place of toxic femininity for far too long and still following the “rules” of how to get a man to like us. If you want to prepare for our new world, then you need to understand that that time is now over.
The Birth of a New Chivalry
As women move forward on their healing journeys and use the twin flame connection as a way to come home to themselves, their desires and their sense of worth, it will have an energetic impact on men who need to get in touch with their inner feminine energies. For thousands of years, women have energetically been leading the way, until it just became too much and were forced into these extreme circumstances. We do not have to live that way any longer but it will take women healing their father wounds and men healing their mother wounds to find the balance we need on this new adventure.
As men become more in touch with their feminine energy, their natural caretaking attitudes will emerge. We will breathe a sigh of relief for awhile but if men do not focus on cleaning up and purging toxic insecurity and other cultural programming, there is a risk that they will flip to a toxic femininity and exhibit manipulative and controlling behavior — masked as an attempt to keep women safe. We do not need to go backwards in time, we need to move forward.
Moving forward means that each and every one of us who identifies as an empath, Starseed or is spiritual in some manner needs to work on healing their energy and learning how to create and maintain their own energy without the help of others. When we live in a place of extreme gender norms, the only way to find balance is for one person to embody the feminine and the other to embody the masculine. We are now being asked to find our own inner balance and to release the co-dependency on all other persons for fueling our energy levels. We are being asked to go into nature, re-learn the tools of energy healing, open up to energy psychology and dive deep into our unconscious thoughts and emotions and heal the programming that says the only way to live a good enough life is to find a romantic relationship.
This can be very confusing for many of us. We’ve been activated and feeling the call to seek out our divine love for some time. We are feeling called to bring children into the world and start a family. Yet, for those of us who are waking up to the high levels of emotional sensitivity that surrounds us on a daily basis, we first must learn to love ourselves and take care of our energy.
If you ignore the call to learn, it is possible that a twin flame activation may appear to kick you in the butt and force you to learn through some unsavory healing experiences. I can attest that this has been my experience and am just grateful for the gift that was provided to me so that I could clear out major programming and heal my father wound.
The Obsession with Sex and Love
When our world became massively imbalanced, we also became imbalanced in our views of sex versus love. It never should have been split. It has been split for quite some time and it led to both freedom and toxicity depending on someone’s level of sensitivity to energy. Men, for a long time, have been obsessed with sex and women with love. We are now being asked to reconcile and integrate these concepts into our physical body and we need to realize that sex is the purview of the divine feminine and love and dare I say devotion is the purview of the divine masculine.
How may of you have had a twin flame experience where the masculine counterpart has a sex addiction or is too activated in his sacral chakra? Yep — it is happening for a reason. It is because the divine feminine has not reclaimed her right to sensuality, emotions, pleasure, creativity and sexual energy. It has been beaten out of her for thousands of years and we now need a rebalancing.
I once had a friend get upset that she kept attracting men with drinking problems. Some of them also had a borderline sex addiction. We were both spiritual so I asked her why did she think this was happening. She stated that she did not know but that she had worked very hard not to end up with a man like her alcoholic father.
Bingo, I thought. It is the father wound in play.
Turns out that she believed this person was her twin flame and she could no longer pretend that she did not have some wounds to heal. This is the only purpose of the twin flame journey. Union happens when both parties are ready for an up leveling of spiritual lessons but, at this stage, it may just be about rebalancing everyone’s energy. The dreaded separation phase, really is a time for emotional purging and looking inward. Letting go of the Cinderella story is hard until you start to realize our template for love is cultural conditioning that is ready to be re-written.
Know Where You Are on the Journey
You will become obsessed with the twin flame concept if you believe this is what you are going through. That’s okay. There is nothing wrong with any of this information. It can, however, keep you stuck in a never ending cycle of co-dependent behavior if you don’t realize there is life after meeting your twin. The obsessive thinking, heart openings, emotional purging, and energetic difficulties are all simply there to remind you how far your soul has come and to encourage you to learn how to heal yourself. Most people do not take the spiritual aspect of this connection (or any romantic connection) seriously. It is not his or the divine masculine’s fault for abandoning you — it is something that needs to be healed so your divine feminine can grow stronger. Abusive behavior in the name of love needs to eventually be left behind in order for the divine feminine to remember what true love is. There is so much projection of issues related to divine masculine that were are forgetting one very important part of our healing:
If women want to be healed, they will need to reconcile what masculinity means to them and radically assess if her feminine energy is in balance. It is often not in balance as she continues to strive to live in an achievement oriented world and hasn’t learned how “just be.”
The twin flame journey is simply one way the Universe helps us learn about energetic balance. In this way, we do not need to judge if it is real or not — it won’t matter. It is simply an experience that is supposed to help you learn. It is up to you to take the opportunity or not. I’m glad I did and I continue to learn things I would not have been able to had I not gone through this experience.
Dr. Jennifer B. Rhodes is an intuitive healer, yoga instructor, licensed psychologist, and the forthcoming author of Toxic Insecurity: The Path of Relational Spirituality and Our Search for Authentic Love and Love Letters to My Soul. You can follow her on Instagram @jenniferbrhodes